lend support by listening: being a sounding board for your student
It's sometimes hard for parents to balance serving as a sounding board to assist with a decision-making process versus making a decision for their student. Many parents believe they have to make tough decisions for their student, when in reality it serves students better when they make decisions with their parents' support and assistance.

Students have some big decisions to make during their college years. Some examples of these decisions include:

• determining a major course of study
• considering summer job/internship options
• whether or not to transfer to a different college or university
• where to live on campus or if they should move off campus
• whether or not to continue dating a significant other
• thinking about joining or quitting an athletic team or musical/artistic pursuit
• exploring graduate courses of study versus getting a job immediately after graduation

While it's likely that most students will utilize and value their peers' thoughts on these decisions, some will also call home looking for help from parents. It's often easiest and quickest to just offer advice, rather than listening to a student's thought process surrounding the pros and cons of a particular decision. It's also easy to devalue significant influences for them, at times forgetting what it's like to be their age.

Helping Students Make Their Own Decisions
As a parent, one of the greatest lessons you can teach your student is how to make a tough decision on his own. Of course, most individuals will always consider others' opinions. Those who are healthiest, however, have the ability to weigh those opinions in comparison to their own.

When your student does call home to process a decision, consider asking a lot of questions, rather than answering them. Here are some questions you can ask to help your student come to her own conclusion:

• If you had to make this decision right now, what would it be? Why?
• How do you think you will feel about this decision four months from now? How about four years from now?
• What factors are pushing you toward this decision?
• What do you hope to gain from making this decision? Is there anything you stand to lose?
• How will this decision impact you (or you as parents!) financially?
• How will this decision impact you physically, mentally and spiritually?
• How does this decision help you further your personal goals?
• How will you handle the ramifications of making this decision?

If you can't spend the time to have a detailed conversation right when your student calls, assure him that you want to assist in the decision-making process. Let your student know that it's not a good time (i.e. you are making dinner or ready to head out the door with your student's sibling) and set up another time to chat. Your student will appreciate your honesty and commitment to provide your undivided attention. Plus, you'll be less likely to get agitated and short-tempered, especially if the decision is one with which you might not necessarily agree.

Having these types of conversations also helps the parent/student relationship continue to mature. As students get older and graduate from college, they begin looking to their parents more as peers. Knowing they can come to you for assistance with decisions not only will teach them valuable lessons, but will also continue to forge a meaningful network of family support.