Tips for Business Etiquette

Here are some helpful etiquette tips for you!

Question authority...

My first job out of college was working as a publications assistant in the Public Relations department at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. It was in the middle of Hopkins' Sesquicentennial Celebration, so everyone was very busy.

I was asked to copy a few documents in a room down the hall — this, back in the day when the copy machine filled a room. I lifted the lid, put the paper on top to copy, but couldn't find the button to start the machine. I looked over and around, I was feeling under the edges for some hidden button. There was a big, unlabeled button on a machine that appeared to be connected, so I pressed that.

It turned out to be the main server.

That flick of a button shut down every computer in the office of about 50 people. Did I mention this was in the days before "Automatic save?" Some people lost five and six hours of work, because they hadn't saved what they were doing. I thought they were going to tie me up, light me on fire and throw me into the Baltimore Harbor.

This week's Etiquette Tip is two-fold:

Question authority. Not in a rebellious sense. I mean, if you really don't know what you are doing, ask someone. Sometimes, new hires, especially those just out of college, worry that others will be judging them and thinking, "Don't you know anything?" You don't. So ask.

If you are working with new hires, check in with them. Do you have any questions? Do you know how to work the copy machine? Do you know how to make a new pot of coffee after you take the last cup? Do you know where to go when the tornado siren goes off? (Okay, maybe that's a Midwest thing.)

Every workplace is a learning environment where new hires learn the business and the hiring learn how to manage people. Ask questions, be forgiving of mistakes and learn from each other.

having seconds

College students (and sales people for some reason) frequently ask the question: "Can I have seconds?"

When eating in someone's home, wait until seconds are offered. Your host/hostess may have other plans for the leftovers that don't include you.

In a business situation, avoid seconds. If there is one bun left in the bread basket, never ever say to your interviewer, "You gonna eat that?" Leave it. Never eye your client's french fries and say, "Are you going to finish those?" Or you're done.

Same goes for the appetizers at any business event — don't pile them on.  If you want to be a pro, eat before you go.

many thanks

If you are interviewed by a group, should you write one thank you note to the most senior person and cc or email the rest? Or should you send an individual thank you note to each interviewer?

How badly do you want the job?

Write individual notes and vary what you write to each one, because they may send copies around to each other. Send thank yous to each by email, too — in case they are making a quick decision.

This demonstrates to the employer that you put effort into what you do and it showcases your writing skills.  Lack of writing skills is a huge issue in hiring these days. The thank you notes also help you establish a connection with each person — a valuable jump start if you do get the job.

The same goes for a sales or marketing pitch.  Send a follow up note to each member of the team you meet with.

You don't have to make the extra effort, but know there's a good chance you will lose the job or the sale to someone who did.

No Waiting....

"I don't want to bug the person."
"The online application said not to call."

It's kind of you to think that way, because etiquette is about consideration for the other person. But unless you are applying for a position where you are expected to sit around waiting for the phone to ring, you should make the call.

How we behave in the interview (or sales) process is an indication of how we will behave in the job. So make the call. Show them you are a self-starter with initiative -- not someone they will have to light a fire under. Same goes for sales or account representatives -- will you be the person who checks in with the client to see how the product or service is working? Or will you disappear?

Person you are calling is not available? Gently coax information, "Is there a better time to reach him/her?" Be kind to the gatekeepers. They can make sure your call gets through... or not.

Heard instinct

Have you ever been on the phone with someone and you could hear a soft tap, tap, tap ... of their computer keyboard?

When we are tapping away computer keyboard, clicking a mouse, or chewing food, others can hear it over the phone. If someone is checking messages, surfing the web or watching TV, we can feel the distraction in how that person responds.

The purpose of etiquette is to be attentive to the people around us.

Set aside digital distractions. Put down the turkey sandwich (or your New Year's Resolution snack of carrots and yogurt.) If you must cough, cough away from the receiver. And unless you are the football coach, do not chew gum.

Take an interest in the person who is calling. Give them your full attention. Do not make them feel like they are interrupting your work.

holiday tip #2 - now what?

Holiday Tip #1 below is about networking for a job at holiday parties by asking those you meet about their job and company.  What next?

Don't pounce on people with desperate pitches. Instead, look for inroads.  Here are some examples:

• Do you have any advice for someone like me who is just getting started in your field?
  
  
• I have enjoyed speaking with you and I am trying to build more contacts in your line of work. Do you mind if I call and make an appointment to speak to you further?
  
  
• My background is in marketing research.  I know that is not your area, but can you recommend a good person at your company I could speak to?

If you are really a star, you will send a note to a few of these people at their office that says, "I enjoyed meeting you at the Smith's party..." etc.

Don't be discouraged that many companies are not hiring in December.  They still may recruit and do initial interviews in December for hiring in January or February

holiday tip #1 - networking at parties

If you will be in the market for a new job soon or are currently unemployed, Holiday Party Season is your season.

Networking does not mean you become a walking/talking resume. Think of networking as research. As said in previous Etiquette Tips, the best way to start and continue a conversation is to ask questions:

• What do you do for a living?
  
• How long have you been with that company?
  
• How did you first become interested in that company?
  
• What do you like best about your company (or job)?
  
• How did you get started in that field?

This is not just job research, it's company research, because you learn which company has happy and satisfied employees and which ones don't. (One person badmouthing their company might just be a malcontent. Three is a pattern.)

Here is the best part. When you ask questions of another person, you show you are taking interest in that person and that makes people feel good about themselves. This is what etiquette is all about.

Some people who are out of work avoid holiday parties. Never fear to admit you are out of work. Everyone has been there. Networking skills honed in holiday season are valuable assets when you do find employment. Now get out there and party.

when to break the rules

"How am I supposed to remember all these RULES?" asked the frustrated college student.

The idea of etiquette is not to impose more rules on maxed out college students or society as a whole. Etiquette is about being aware of the people around you and attentive to their needs. Dr. P.M. Forni, co-founder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project and author of the bestselling book, "Choosing Civility," calls it a "benevolent awareness of others."  (Call me an etiquette nerd, but I love the way that gentleman speaks.)

My good friend Maria Everding of The Etiquette Institute has a wonderful way of looking at it. She says, "The number one rule of etiquette is to break any rule of etiquette to make the people around you more comfortable."

(from the Culture and Manners Institute)

the great plate debate

People often ask, "If my entrée is not in the best position to cut, may I turn the plate?"  The answer is, "Yes, you may turn your plate once." You may not continue to rotate your plate this way and that like you are driving a bus.

When out for a business meal, do not mix all the food on your plate into one pile of hash. In the comfort of your own home, when you are not entertaining others, feel free to pile on.

(from the Culture and Manners Institute)

Can you watch this for me?

Have you ever been sitting in a public place -- maybe a library or a busy restaurant or coffeehouse — when a total stranger from a nearby table approaches and says, "Can you watch my laptop while I go to the restroom?"

My answer to that person is, "No."

I tell the person, "No, I cannot accept that responsibility. If someone larger than me wants to take your laptop, I am not willing to tackle that person to stop him or her from leaving with it. (To one woman I said, "Is that the new Apple Macbook?  I might take it myself.")

At some time in our lives, we must all rely on the kindness of strangers. Do not let it be with your $400-2,000 laptop. Pack it up, take it with you, and when you return, unpack it and start using it again. Okay, maybe you will lose your seat and have to look around a lot of people's legs to find another outlet, but would you rather lose your seat or your laptop?

Do not be afraid to turn down such a request. Some will be taken aback, but you can soften the blow in a kind way. You might say, "You pay me a high compliment in saying I appear to be an honest and trustworthy person. And while I am, I want you to have a healthy distrust of strangers."

(from the Culture and Manners Institute)

handshakes

I am always surprised when I meet a college student or person in business who is the picture of confidence — smart business attire, great eye contact, smiling, perfect posture — but then when that person goes in for the handshake ... his or her handshake is so lifeless, so limp, I feel like my next step should be to check the person's pulse. What a letdown!  I know labradoodles that can shake more affirmatively.

Your handshake speaks. It must be firm. It should say: "I am intelligent. I am confident. And I am darn glad to meet you."

A weak, limp handshake says:  "I'm not sure of myself. I am not sure about you. I am not sure why I got up this morning."

Your palm fits in the other person's palm. Seal the grasp by wrapping your fingers around the other person's hand. Don't squeeze the blood out of the other hand, but do give a good firm grip. No need to pump up and down like it's crack-the-whip. Just grasp.

If you are concerned that the person you are shaking hands with might be frail or suffering from arthritis and a firm handshake might hurt them, then mirror the pressure that person puts on your hand.

Practice your handshake with friends and other professionals. If you mean business, if you want the job, if you want the sale, say it with a firm handshake.

(from the Culture and Manners Institute)

interviewing

The great thing about interviewing is it is the one time you can tell people how wonderful you are and they are actually willing to listen.

Be honest about your qualifications and experience. If an interviewer asks, "What is your biggest weakness?"  Do not try to disguise a positive as a negative with a canned baloney answer like, "I work too hard" or "I am a perfectionist."

Instead, give an honest answer about a time that you really goofed and put it in the context of what you learned from the experience. A wise CEO once told me that a person who learns from mistakes is more valuable than a replacement employee.

(from the Culture and Manners Institute)

The Narrow Gate and Important Date

Earlier in my career I worked for Sony Music, the Epic and Columbia recording labels. I started on the front phones and you can just imagine the crack-open-a-can-of-crazy people that call into a music label.

"I am a very close friend of Mariah Carey, but I lost her phone number. Could you give it to me?"
Me: "Sure, it's right here in my rolodex." (Click.)

One day, a man called in saying he was Eddie Money. I said, "Right." 
I put him on hold and said to the woman at the next desk, "Get this, this guy says he's Eddie Money."
She said, "Did he ask for Mike?"
I said with some hesitation, "Yes..."
She said, "That IS EDDIE MONEY."
I quickly picked up the phone again and said, "Mr. Money, he will be right with you."

Wednesday, April 25, is Administrative Professionals Day. Always be nice to the person who answers the phone — the executive secretary, assistant or receptionist. He or she is the gatekeeper — the person who puts your call through ... or not.

When calling a business, announce yourself to the person who answers the phone:
"Hello, this is (first name, last name), May I please speak to John?"

Add your company name or your department if calling for business:
"Hello, this is (first name, last name), I am calling from X Company…"
"Hello, this is (first name, last name), I am calling from the IT Department."

Do not put the person answering in an awkward position by saying, "Don’t you recognize my voice yet?"  That your voice is unremarkable and not memorable is not that person’s fault.

Have you hugged your administrative professional today?  If not, that's good, because you don't want to get fired or sued for hostile work environment. But try to do something nice this week for the administrative professionals that you work with, whether it's a card, a gift certificate, lunch or time off.
   
For more tips on etiquette, visit www.cultureandmanners.com
(from the Culture and Manners Institute)

for the road ... and beyond

These words of wisdom for the road pop up in various forms from Dale Carnegie to Louis Untermeyer's Golden Treasury of Poetry:

Here lies the body of Michael Shay,
who died maintaining his right of way.
His case was clear and his will was strong,
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong.

You can win the argument and still lose. Yield and keep the peace — on the road, in the workplace and at the dinner table.

Respecting Your Betters

It was recently found that males over 80 years old consider their biggest etiquette pet peeve not to be the rude use of cell phone and texting, but by young men who enter restaurants without removing their hats.

Never underestimate a senior person's ability to note the details. When dealing with the "young at heart" in business or social situations, take care of your appearance. Shine your shoes, press your clothing, button up (you too, ladies), comb your hair and gentlemen, please remove your hats.

And while you are at it, please call your grandparents.

For more tips on etiquette, visit www.cultureandmanners.com
(from the Culture and Manners Institute)